iz not need bleedin' bath

Dear Big Lady

Iz not need bloody bath.

Not not not not.

Iz fashion for doglets have all bits of stick stuck in paws and all bits of twiggy leafses stuck in tail and all manky bits of brown yuck what iz not poo just mud on back FGS i iz do not know when you gotted so fussy.

Iz need HAIRCUT.  cannot see bleedin thing.  NOT BATH.  ok?  haircut iz will do job nicely.  NOT bath.  nice ladies at Mucky Pups iz give doglet good treats and iz say "oh is most beautifullest doglet EVER" not like you say grumblegrumblestinkygetawaynotonmybedyoudon't.  you iz go tiptaptiptap on computer and send messij nice ladies. ok?  NOT BATH. 

Regards

Doglet

Country Feedback/I'll take the rain

Dear Big Lady

I iz know we only been out for 15 minutes walk so far, but iz bit hot & tireded, so iz going to have small shloof here in daisies.

I iz acknowledge that you iz was planning v long walk hoping to listen to you new REM Unplugged '91/'01 cd on you iPod in peace without Small Shouty Girl say "can we listen to Let It Go from Frozen as hav only heard it at top volume approx 435 times already this morn?" and without Medium Sized Boy say "mummy what iz you most favourite Lego Chima? mummy what iz you 2nd most favourite Lego Chima? mummy your 3rd favourite Lego Chima and your 4th favourite Lego Chima?" etc.

But schnauzers, while not being keen on rain, iz also, it turns out, not too keen on being overly-warm either. Iz all the fluff, see?  But do not fear, Doglet iz got brilliant plan.  Next time sunny, you iz bring dog bed, bowl, water, blanket, maybe a few sosijs if you gotted, we iz hide quietly on far side of field for 45 mins.  Iz be our secret.

Regards,
Doglet