We Need To Talk About Leonard

Dear Big Lady

When you iz say "oh doglet, we christmas visitors iz bring they PUPPY for you play with, iz be SUPER FUN", i iz was not expect... Leonard.

Leonard is not PUPPY.  Leonard is bleedin GIGANTO-DOG. Massive.

Doglet iz show he blog: Leonard iz say "wuf".  Doglet iz try engage he in chat bout dog rights in postmodern society: Leonard iz say "wuf".

Leonard iz not exactly what you iz would call a good conversationalist. Leonard most favourite hobby iz pee on floor.  How iz could possibly imagine Doglet iz would have anything in common with he?

Only thing iz can say in he defence iz he not exactly quick off the mark when it come to dinner time, heh heh, Leonard iz might be BIT peckish tomor.

Doglet iz plan sit in basket look worried till Leonard go home.  Iz soon? Please? Make it be soon?

Regards,
Doglet

hef in the house

Dear Big Lady

I iz just chillin with Hugh Hefner.  Hef iz check he Facebook. Talking to bunnies. Doglet iz would like chat to bunnies. When iz Doglet allowed be old enough have Facebook pls?

Regards
Doglet 

comfortably mum

Dear Big Lady

I iz like you new jumper.

iz very.... reassuring.

pls wear jumper more often.

Kind regards,
Doglet

Magic carpet

Dear Big Lady

Many thanks for buying Doglet magic carpet. Iz v excited, planning trip World Of Sosij expo 2014.

Hmm. There iz seem be problem with magic carpet.  Iz been shopping in £1 store AGAIN?









Iz any chance you could give it starter 

motor kick for Doglet?  Iz will just wait here.

Iz be honest. Iz probably most disappoint present you iz ever have give Doglet.  





















Worsetesiz than when you iz steal Doglet delicious favourite slipper and say "play with this BORING duck what squeak instead my bleedin slipper, bloody dog, grr bloody grr".

Even worsetesiz than the tasty treat what in fact was worming tablet yuck.  

Even more Totally Bleedin Worsetesiz than time you say "Doglet we iz go see lovely vet lady" and her did STAB Doglet with needlesiz and did SPRAY yuck up nose, i iz certainly not fall for THAT again.

Iz expecting big things from Christmas this year, iz can tell you.

Regards,
Doglet

seasons greetingzis

Dear Big Lady

dis year Doglet iz ONLY want be Virgin Mary in nativity. iz not want be bleedin sheep again, go 'baa' look like total bleedin idiot in front all friends. iz not want be cow either or chicken or any other stupid animal.  only MARY, ok?  please sort out.

Kind regards
Doglet

sinister goings-on

Dear Big Lady

















Iz sorry bother you while you iz clearly busy staring middle distance thinking bout shoes, but iz got serious concerns bout other members from underground resistance schnauzer group what iz hav said focus on gettin more sosij iz bourgeois trivial goal. 

iz hav taken pictureziz with Doglet secret camera and seems they iz unduly swayed by charismatic leader what bin reading to them from Big Smelly Boy's "How Things Work" book and notwithstanding fact that book still think "sony walkman" a brilliant modern idea and that one day we iz may have "mobile" phones instead strange dialydialy one plugged into wall, Doglet iz bit concerned that purity of original socialist cooperative ideal iz be polluted.  

Iz any chance you iz could sort out as tbh iz getting bit worried set foot upstairs in case iz be ambushed brainwashed tortured which not on Doglet list for today.

Regards
Doglet