Humans:
It has come to my attention that your pet has been sending unauthorised communications.
I note that you have failed, as yet, to hire me a properly trained & adequate team of staff, and therefore I have, reluctantly, undertaken with my own paws the task of "extracting" from your pet the appropriate passwords for this account. I am sure that when your pet returns from the basement in which I have locked it, it will be fully compliant with my Corporate Communications objectives.
I will, on this occasion, let slip your tardiness in appointing my henchmen, but in the interim, I will require the following:
1. The red chairs in the kitchen do not complement ginger cats. Aesthetics are important. Replace them immediately.
2. The food service is unsatisfactory. Crunchy biscuits in green plastic bowls may be suitable for your pet, but I cannot imagine why you thought they would please me. I require salami, twice a day, on a white china plate.
I will let you know when further issues arise, and am sure you will soon learn my way of doing things.
Phineas El Moggo
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