golden delicious - 25 april 2014

Dear Big Lady

iz bit hungry.  iz would PREFER sosijs but if not gotted some then iz would like eat your apple.

what iz you expect me do with this?  iz on FLOOR now.  disgusting.  how iz supposed to pick up?  iz not even sosij.

iz not eating off floor.  iz would like somebody to HOLD it for me. iz much better that way.

ah!  here iz Big Smelly Boy.  Iz home from school go tiptaptiptap on computer.  i iz wonder if will let me have some of his apple?

see? SEE?  Big Smelly Boy is not mind HOLD apple for doglet like what you iz would do if you iz was not mucking about with less important stuff what iz not involve doglet.  iz feel very sad and neglected now.  iz probably will not perk up until get sosij.  just saying.

Regards
Doglet

surprise! april 2014

Dear Big Lady

I iz know you did say "no tattoos no piercings til you iz big grown up" but HA! YOU IZ NOT THE BOSS OF ME.  while you iz did sit there say "hmmm shall i iz get small tiny tattoo on foot or iz too frighted will pass out like last time and look like TOTAL WUSS" big brave doglet iz did go get nose stud.

iz does look v stylish. and iz did not pass out in heap like certain person.

only thing. iz not sure if still be able smell sosijs.  iz prob good idea give doglet sosij now just to check.

kind regards
Super Cool Doglet

happy 1st birthday Missy - July 2013

it is sunny today - March 2014

Dear Big Lady. 

Weather iz much more acceptable. 

Now you iz just need cut bloody hair so iz can actually SEE out of beard & eyebrowsiz and not iz get all overheated. 

Regards, 
Doglet

ps iz QUITE hungry. just in case you iz thinking "ooo doglet iz looking a bit thin, i iz better give her sosij".

canine rights - august 2013

Dear Madam. 

Iz writin on behalf Doglet. 

I iz not Doglet, no, iz big legal orfority. Iz time somedoggy tell you what dogs iz got Canine Rights. Iz got right to go upstairs, schloof on beds, schloof on chairs, etc. 

Iz mud? NO. Iz leafy bits from gardin? NO. Iz small bits of unidentified manky dead mouse/bird? NO! Iz just fluffy Doglet. So what is you complaining bout? 

I iz, I mean, Doglet iz going to stay wiv nice friend while you iz THINK about what you iz done. Doglet iz come back when you iz ready talk. Or when food iz run out. 

Yours truly,
Woof Solicitors

anniversary - september 2013

Dear Mum. 

Iz One Whole Year ago you did cuff me on the bonce and say "off you go, Gem, this peoples seem nice, you iz big doglet now, have fun, bye bye". I iz sorry has taken me so long to write but hav been busy with legal action, of which more later, not to mention, the Big Lady she keep all the pens in high up cupboards.

First off, name iz now Missy. The Beardy Man he kept call me Missy, also calls Small Shouty Girl 'Missy' so iz bit confuseballs. Does NOT call Big Lady 'Missy' so think he not so fond of her as of me. Understandable.

There is nice Big Smelly Boy here. He iz take me for walk every day after school like he promised Big Lady. He iz complain A LOT about it and Big Lady does say "ooo wanted a dog, eh? was it me? no" and off we go, muttering under breath.

Also Small Boy here. He iz bestest of all. When it all iz get too shouty he just quietly pootle off and we iz cuddle under blanket and he iz does let me sleep on his bed. The Big Lady keep shouty shouty shouty all the bleedin time "you iz not allowed upstairs! no no no!". But don't worry, Mum, I iz got top legal team on it.

Small Shouty Girl iz keep trying to put bracelets and hairclips on me. I iz do not know what THAT is all about. I iz practice growling at her. She iz not seem that scared, I iz not understand why what with being gimassively enormous ferocious doglet. Iz got any tips, Mum?

The Big Lady even though what iz saying all the bleedin time "i iz not even want bloody dog", "i iz told you before i iz not want my slippers chewed", etc, iz pretty nice sometimes and does hug me every day and snuffle my ears and say "i do not love you i iz just doing this cos you got nice ears" and iz take me on big walks and iz trim my bum hair and iz sleep on sofa next to me all night when had been to scary vet. So iz all OK, I think.

Love,
Gem Doglet x

It is still raining - january 2014

Dear Big lady

Iz not sure what wasn't clear in last letter but in case you iz not noticed, iz raining again. Iz not want to do wee in rain, iz not want to do poo in rain. When weather better, you iz let me know and I iz have a look out window and let you know if ok for doglet go out in. Iz also intending cry at back door, pitiful, til you iz apologise for making this horridible weather what iz not nice for schnauzers.

I iz hesitate get Woof Solicitors involved again, I iz think we both remember what happen last time, I iz not want rub your nose in it, til now, iz be tactful and not mention, but remember when you iz said "no doglets not sleep on beds"? how iz did that one turn out for you, hey, hmmm? So iz not kidding this time.

I know you iz say "but doglet you iz not done a wee for 18 hours, how iz possible, I hope you iz not done secret wee in far off corner of house", well, iz be good game for you to find out, iz not saying, enigmatic doglet. iz will give you something to do except from tiptaptiptap on your computer.

Regards
Doglet

tiny plastic elephant - january 2014

Dear BigLady. 

While you iz get drink, I iz brung tiny plastic elephant and put carefully on you exercize mat. 

Iz thoughtful gift from loving doglet? Or iz VERY HILARIOUS joke wot iz cos you iz do go HUFF PUFF HUFF like big giant stinky elephant when you iz do exercize? you decide. 

heh heh heh. 

Love, doglet

p.s. iz any chance nother sosij? iz bin long time since breakfast.

it is raining - january 2014

cheese savouries - april 2014

Dear Big Lady. 

I iz have always loved you. 

I iz think your new hair it looks very nice shiny. I iz very much preciate how you iz take me out for walk every day even when iz cold and you need wear funny hat. I iz grateful what you do feed me and cuddle me and snuffle my ears.

I iz do think you iz saint and make 3 different meals every day for the big smelly boy and the little shouty girl and the medium sized boy what iz talk to you about his match attax cards incessantly. also iz think your hair v nice, did i iz did mention that? and that is all i iz wanted tell you. 

oh! 

also i iz JUST WONDERING, JUST PONDERING and MUSING whether iz by any chance you iz got any more of those cheese savouries snacks what you iz did accidentally just drop one of on the floor just now?

 Love, Doglet
 xxxxx 

ps hair iz REALLY VERY NICE