Dear Mum.
Iz One Whole Year ago you did cuff me on the bonce and say "off you go, Gem, this peoples seem nice, you iz big doglet now, have fun, bye bye". I iz sorry has taken me so long to write but hav been busy with legal action, of which more later, not to mention, the Big Lady she keep all the pens in high up cupboards.
First off, name iz now Missy. The Beardy Man he kept call me Missy, also calls Small Shouty Girl 'Missy' so iz bit confuseballs. Does NOT call Big Lady 'Missy' so think he not so fond of her as of me. Understandable.
There is nice Big Smelly Boy here. He iz take me for walk every day after school like he promised Big Lady. He iz complain A LOT about it and Big Lady does say "ooo wanted a dog, eh? was it me? no" and off we go, muttering under breath.
Also Small Boy here. He iz bestest of all. When it all iz get too shouty he just quietly pootle off and we iz cuddle under blanket and he iz does let me sleep on his bed. The Big Lady keep shouty shouty shouty all the bleedin time "you iz not allowed upstairs! no no no!". But don't worry, Mum, I iz got top legal team on it.
Small Shouty Girl iz keep trying to put bracelets and hairclips on me. I iz do not know what THAT is all about. I iz practice growling at her. She iz not seem that scared, I iz not understand why what with being gimassively enormous ferocious doglet. Iz got any tips, Mum?
The Big Lady even though what iz saying all the bleedin time "i iz not even want bloody dog", "i iz told you before i iz not want my slippers chewed", etc, iz pretty nice sometimes and does hug me every day and snuffle my ears and say "i do not love you i iz just doing this cos you got nice ears" and iz take me on big walks and iz trim my bum hair and iz sleep on sofa next to me all night when had been to scary vet. So iz all OK, I think.
Love,
Gem Doglet x
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